urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch ...that doesn't give a fuck Pub Girl 2005-06-21T16:38:56Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:54576 2005-06-21T16:38:56Z 2005-06-21T16:38:56Z so i haven't used this in ages.. but.. i am LOVING it here in england... LOVING it... and brando.. i got your letter... will write you back sometime, promise!! LOVE IT HERE!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:54488 2005-02-11T02:16:15Z 2005-02-11T02:16:15Z ... i'm not doing the lj thing anymore.. if people want me to know sumthing, they can email me... and if they wanna know sumthin about me.. they can ask... <br /><br /><br />later urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:53956 2005-02-04T18:40:32Z 2005-02-04T18:40:32Z you don't even see.. you'll never even know.. how much i needed you .. and how much i need you still...you'll never know, and you'll just keep saying you care, then hurting me all over again..never knowing that i breathe you, and sometimes breathing hurts... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:53561 2005-01-30T07:33:01Z 2005-01-30T07:33:01Z the deranged deer.... that lurks in the shadows and jumps out in front of cars, in broad daylight... if you DON'T have your lights on... weirdness... foaming at the mouth, shades on, smoking a cigarette....<br /><br />BLOW TORCH USE #3<br />Using it to ignite the deer, once he sneakily jumps on the hood of your car, and pulls aknife on you, to threaten you, and make you cry. - haha James urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:53110 2005-01-29T08:45:44Z 2005-01-29T08:45:44Z fuck you<br />fuuuuuuuck you<br />yes, that's right<br />fuck you... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:52155 2005-01-25T05:34:31Z 2005-01-25T05:34:31Z grrr.. i am so annoyed... but yeh, that's just me... just every little thing lately... bah... annoyance!!! i hate thee... i know it's just me... but sometimes, i think i use that as an excuse to not be pissy with people, b/c by blaming myself, i can assume it's just something that my head is making into a big ordeal... bah!!! anyways, onto bigger and better things... <br /><br /><br />and here it is...<br /><br />yesterday i had to kick over a snow pile, that had managed to form behind my car... it was pretty big.. and the car beside me must have been gone, b/c this miraculous snow pile, had formed 3/4 of the way around my car... and i didn't have a shovel.. so i had to kick the snow pile over, so i could get my car out... so... the conclusion??<br /><br />BLOW TORCH USE # 2<br />- Melting the snow around my car, so that i can get out of my fucking parking spot. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:51704 2005-01-21T07:57:24Z 2005-01-21T07:57:24Z Someone needs to trap the underwear gnomes..<br />it has been decided that rather than killing them, we should trap them and make them our slaves... <br />i will sleep better knowing that they are no longer out on the loose...<br />taking peoples underwear at their leisure...<br />and not even the clean underwear... <br />the sick bastards...<br />what we need to do...<br />is figure out how small the traps have to be...<br />and really, although the idea of a gnome carcass IS appealing, i think that the traps are really the most realistic way to go about this..<br />i mean.. where DOES one get a Gnome License.. <br />and do you have to tag it like a deer?<br />how do we know if it is a male or female?<br />do gnomes HAVE genitalia?<br />would we get it stuffed? <br />and say "that's the one that i shot while he was takin my wifes silk thong"...<br />or maybe we could electro-shock them with a tazer....<br /><br />or... maybe... just maybe... this is yet another use for a blow torch.. and we could burn off their mother fucken underwear stealin' hands...<br /><br />yes.. <br /><br />BLOW TORCH USES<br />#1. To kill the underwear gnomes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:51297 2005-01-20T05:50:51Z 2005-01-20T05:50:51Z bah... i updated about my birthday week last night.. and it didn't work.. now i'm pissy...<br /><br />bah... randomness that amuses me about the past week...<br /><br />* i need to bed*<br /><br />*i am a cute and perfect penis*<br /><br />*aawwwww.... muffing*<br /><br />*i'd recognize that stagger anywhere*<br /><br />*my, what a big glass you have*<br /><br />*no no no... BOB J AT HOTMAIL.COM*<br /><br />*we could make our OWN girl talk... we could call it Drunk Talk*<br /><br />*<br />ME : "know what's on my wish list? a blow torch.. think of all the uses"<br />MATT : "what sorta uses? list me some right now"<br />ME : "well... i mean, they're the sort of uses you would never think of until you had one... then you'd be like , 'oh thank god ihave this blow torch'"<br />*<br /><br />hmm.. i am sure i had more.. but it is lost in cyber space... and now, i must bed .... as i am super tired.. bah! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:50525 2005-01-10T16:59:35Z 2005-01-10T16:59:35Z trapt wow... terry's chocolate oranges are good... but i tried this new thing, the mint chocolate "oranges", that aren't really orange flavored... and they're fucken good too... who is this terry person, and how did he get so smart? haha<br /><br />so jen came down this weekend... which was a nice pre-bday gift... she couldn't come for my party... and i am going on friday night with like, 5 or 6 people, that cant make it on saturday... but saturday will still be muchos fun... court is planning to get me way drunk friday night, b/c she feels bad that she can't come on saturday... bah!!! drunkeness.... <br /><br />also... found out i can't go to pride weekend.. but i can go during the week sometime... b/c my friend kar gets married on the saturday, and she is much more important... <br /><br />possibly planning a new york trip in march... costs like $400, and that's hoetl for 2 or 3 nights (don't remember), plus the trip there... so yeh...sweet deal... <br /><br />i need to stop spending money... it won't happen, i keep telling myself... but i'm looking for another job, b/c with my new work schedule, i can work another part time job, and have more money to pay things off, and not go crazy with time off... so yeh! <br /><br />ummm.... i think thats it... i might head home on sunday, depending on when everyone leaves, so that i can be home sunday-monday-tuesday ... tuesday, which is of course my actual birthday... i haven't been home for my bday in 4 years, so i might do that... who knows? i have no clue.. oh well...<br /><br />i am off to go clean the kitchen... my task for the day...well, i hae alot of tasks for the day, but that is the first.... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:50305 2005-01-03T21:13:32Z 2005-01-03T21:13:32Z so.. happy belated new year and xmas to all who participate in that sort of things....<br /><br />this will be a quick ass update, as i am fucken beat....<br /><br />florida was fanfuckentastic.. i did NOT want to leave, mainly b/c i enjoyed the water, and the sunsets... and was fun times, and relaxing....<br /><br />the driving was long.... 25 hours both ways.... uphill all the way, nonetheless... haha...jokes.. but alot of bridges... weirdness.....<br /><br />new years was happening.. has this dude with weird braid things there... weirdness.. we call him braidy now... haha... fun times....<br /><br />hmm....now.. tired... have to unpack... gotta get out the word for my bday... <br /><br /><br />also... have to fnd a new job and place to live by June 1st.... fun times! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:49675 2004-12-21T06:27:24Z 2004-12-21T06:27:24Z oohhhhhh yeh...<br /><br />Taste of Chaos tour<br /><br />featuring - - - - - THE USED<br /><br />March 3<br /><br />Montreal<br /><br />i am SO going... i am SO excited!<br /><br />now to just make sure i get a ticket!!! yeh! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:49476 2004-12-12T19:30:30Z 2004-12-12T19:30:30Z so... upon examining this picture <br /><br /><a href="http://www.infinitebody.com/gallery/ear/earcen.html">http://www.infinitebody.com/gallery/ear/earcen.html</a><br /><br />i have decided that my new ear piercing, is a daith,a nd not an upper helix.. b/c when i look at the picture, and look at my ear, or feel my ear, it feels like my piercing is where the daith is... the upper helix is closer to where the ear attaches to the head, and the daith is under that cartiledge piece, as mine is... hmm... interesting... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:49051 2004-12-10T06:22:49Z 2004-12-10T06:22:49Z i am ... going to be an aunt again!! yay!!! i am so excited!!! i can't wait!! the waiting is the hardest part!!!<br /><br /><br />in other news... my bday party is shaping up to be nice... i can't wait... so many different friends, so many different TYPES of friends.. it should be good times fer sure! <br /><br />hmm....what else... just over 2 weeks till i leave for florida! yay! i'm super excited!!<br /><br /><br />hmm... i am checking into seeing a counsellor... getting some names, etc... i plan on it being short term, and i haven't decided yet about medication. i think i am more into seeing a counsellor, so that i can find out if i AM depressed, or what it is... laura and i talked about it the other night, and she was very supportive.. as was jen when we chatted it out... and brandie is always supportive... i haven't told anyone else, and i don't think i will... (haha, besides those reading this right now)... i don't think i'm gonna say anything to my fam.. b/c if i AM depressed, they won't get it.. they don't understand, and assume that people get depressed b/c their life is shitty.. it's a chemical thing... and yeh, having a shitty life can make you feel depressed... but they don't get it, and it won't matter if i explain... meh.. who knows....<br /><br />think happy thoughts... <br />think happy thoughts... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:47750 2004-11-28T23:18:28Z 2004-11-28T23:18:28Z so... a quick update before i head out, yet again, to go see some ktown peoples... ottawa is still one of my favorite places... got to chill with brandicus for the weekend.. which is always mojor rockage... :) and we got pierced together! she got her lip and ear, and i got my ear and my other nipple, finally! yay for being symmetrical!!... so we went out for keiths bday, and did some karaoke.. we didn't get asked to go back up after our first one.. b/c we sucked... but oh well!! on the way home we saw the christ mobile, and i decided that i need one... haha... i sure do!!! then we got crappy service at timmy's, then today, had angry people working at denny's... ottawa fast food employees are not happy people... but yeh... now i am home, safe, and on my way out again,.... so yay! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:47418 2004-11-19T04:45:55Z 2004-11-19T04:45:55Z ...till we leave for florida!!! sweetness!!! booking a place at a resort,.... we get two double beds, kitchen, living room, balcony, kitchen supplies... etc etc... plus pool, heated pool, saunas, ocean front... all for cheaper than any hotels we found!! yah! lounging on the beach.. hell yeh! drinking... having fun...new years witha bang baby!<br /><br />hmmmm ....booking massages soon.. i need it! i want it! i have never had a professional massage.... i'm excited!<br /><br /><br /><br />YAY! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:47121 2004-11-12T18:50:32Z 2004-11-12T18:50:32Z haha.. so last night... my friend TK is down from edmonton, so we had to go out... so we were pre-drinking... i was loaded.. seeing as how i was super tired, and not feeling well, i should have had WAY less than what i drank.. but yeh.. haha.... so we go to the bar.. and they WON'T let us in.. b/c we don't have 2 pieces of i.d.... so we ask to talk to the manager.. apparently,. this has been the law for a while now, but they are just starting it now... so yeh.. what the fuck.. so we are talkin to him, and "apparently" i was being an ass to him, and he threatened to kick me out.. and i was like "WE'RE NOT EVEN IN YET!!" so he starts going on, and says that if i'm not going to be reasonable,., blah blah blah... so we leave.. after i said some very harsh things to him.. and he pretty much told me i won't be going there for awhile.. which is fine, i mean, i never go there anyways... was just b/c TK was here....<br /><br />so we start walkin to another bar.. and the whole time i am hostile at how much i hate AJ's... b/c they were asses to us, and wanted 2 pieces of id.... i mean, i have been buying booze sinse i was like 17... fucken come on! so we go to the other bar.. and we smuggle in a girl we're with, b/c she was 18.. so it's all good, we all get in.. so, i decide that seeing as how i am already drunk and hostile, i should drink more... haha... goodplan that was!so we drink...and let me tell ya.. i danced, like i have never danced before... haha.. i was fucking busting moves i've never seen... it was good times... haha... got in the middle of a fight, stopped it... it was all good.. so we leave the bar....<br /><br />and we are tryin to get a cab.. so TK and i sit on the sidewalk.. lol.. while my roomie gets a cab, and the cab comes up to pick us up.. and we had just been invited to a party with some random guys.. and we were gonna go..but we crawled into the cab.. and the whole way home, i would "reassure" the cabbie, and pat his head.. haha... <br /><br />so we get home.. and eat pizza.. and i say how i don't feel well.. so i lay on the floor in the living room.. then crawl to the hallway, and lay there... then crawl to the bathroom door... then i decide i'm gonna be sick.. so i close the door, and pass out on the bathroom floor ( wasn't sick though)... <br /><br />so i wake up on the bathroom floor, and decided to go to bed.. so i go upstairs ( i really don't remember... i just remember thinking i needed to go to bed, then i was in my room)... teleportation, perhaps... haha... so i am in my room, i change, and i head back to the bathroom.. the one upstairs this time.. and i sit cross legged in front of the toilet... and i pass out.. i wake up an hour later... still sitting in front of the toilet... and then i decide "yup, i need to throw up now"... so i do.. then headed to bed, and felt so much better!! was my first time getting sick from drinking.. .. haha... good times.. the night was so much fun... my mom laughed at the stupidness of my drinking when i told her.. but yeh... good times fer sure...<br /><br />anyways.. now i am off to nap.. feel okay this morning.. but feel a little ill...very tired... oh well.. well worth it! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:47082 2004-11-04T04:41:17Z 2004-11-04T04:41:17Z Nov. 4th = 1 year since you died... and what have i done with my life? well.. i am sure you know better than anyone... i graduated from school.. i got a job, i got a car... i moved into a new appartment.. i got new glasses.. and some new clothes.. i got even more perspective on my life.. and on people in general.. but am i happy? that is something that i know, and something that i hide... but it is hard to hide when i am crying myself to sleep... or when i sit and stare into space, wondering how i can make myself feel the pain i want to feel... i have no money to get tattooed or pierced, which would bring me the pain i desire so much(and also, i want tatoos and piercings, i would never get it done purely for pain purposes).. so the next thing to do is to inflict pain upon myself... <br /><br />what else have i done with my life? i have become broke.. i have learned just how much money i owe.. and i don't like it... i have become even more depressed.. and untrusting... i have become more critical of those in the world, and not without good reason.. i have discovered that the person that i want to be, is someone i can't be, b/c of the life i have chosen... i have become a little more sure that i should be on medication.. i have denied this, and not taken any... i have become afraid to love, and to be loved... <br /><br />i love you always, and miss you always... you loved me unconditionally, no matter what color my hair was, how loud i was, what i did, or who i was... that would never have changed, no matter what.. and i love you forever... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:46424 2004-11-01T18:28:32Z 2004-11-01T18:28:32Z the used... god i love these guys so... i have new glasses that are *too cute* ... and i got my hair cute, which is also exceptionally cute.. so now i'm exceptionally too cute. hahaha... it's all good!<br /><br />so, bday party ideas ( i am aware it is in january, but we were discussing it the other day)... Pajama Party.. oh yeh... and the stipulation will be, that if you don't come in your pj;s, pajamas will be provided for you, in the means of me stripping people, until they are appropriately pj dressed. :)<br /><br />so i am poor... very poor in fact... i am on my way to the bank, to do some shuffling, so that i have the pleasure of payin my rent for this month.. yay me and over spending... oh well..<br /><br />we are thinking of gettin another roomie.. i mean, we have an extra bedroom, and having a roomie, will enable us to share about 200 amonth... considering rent/cable/phone costs.. so i am pro-roomie! <br /><br />anyways.. i should head to the bank<br /><br /><br />*i felt like maybe we were finally over.. i hated it, but i had the sense that i could go on. i've been so infinitely sad lately..dreaming that people are dying, waking up crying, crying myself to sleep, thinking about what will happen if someone dies, thinking about my dying, just thinking about everything... and now i need you... and i hate that... i hate that i feel like i need you... well, i've gotten through alot without you, i will continue to... i just love you so much. but now i know that i can't always count on you to be there for me.. and i can go on* urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:46088 2004-10-26T04:18:52Z 2004-10-26T04:18:52Z can you say... slutty school girl? oh yeh.. halloween is gonna be great! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:45977 2004-10-18T18:55:25Z 2004-10-18T18:55:25Z dirty - monifah 01. Who are you?<br />02. Are we friends?:<br />2B. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE LIKE, DONE IT?<br />03. When and how did we meet?:<br />04. Do you (or did you ever) have a crush on me?:<br />05. Would you kiss me?:<br />5B. IF YOU THINK YOU HURT MY FEELINGS IN THE LAST QUESTION, NOW IS YOUR TIME TO MAKE IT UP:<br />06. Describe me in one word:<br />07. What was your first impression?:<br />08. Do you still think that way about me now?:<br />09. What reminds you of me?:<br />10. If you could give me anything what would it be?:<br />11. How well do you know me?:<br />11B. DO YOU WANT TO SEE ME NAKED!<br />12. When's the last time you saw me?:<br />12B. WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW ME....NAKED!<br />13. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?:<br />14. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?: urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:45772 2004-10-18T04:08:08Z 2004-10-18T04:08:08Z i feel like i am dying, from the inside.. omg.. i have never felt pain like this! it hurts so bad i can hardly walk.. damned illnesses!!! i took today off work, and i will take off tomorrow too.. i can feel it.. thank fuck for paid sick time!! i just wish it would go away though...<br /><br /><br />in other news.. i had a weird dream last night.. that i got my tongue pierced, and the barbell fell out, and i kept pulling out more and more balls... it was weird.. and in my dream, my parents were okay with it, and my dad even came with me to get it done.. i know i had the dream b/c i am planning to get it done this weekend... and i'm iffy bout what my parents will say when/if they find out.. but meh... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:45512 2004-10-15T03:46:15Z 2004-10-15T03:46:15Z my head is going to blow off... i can feel it.... grrrrr.... i feel like shit..almost didn't go to work.. but glad i did... the kdis are so amazing... fer sure... <br /><br /><br />gonna go let my head blow up now... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:45003 2004-10-07T04:04:37Z 2004-10-07T04:04:37Z over and over *change him to her... and you got it* <br /><br />Nelly with Tim McGraw<br /><br />Cause its all in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />And I can’t keep picturing you with him<br />And it hurts so bad, yeah<br />Cause it’s on in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />I replay it over and over again<br />And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it<br />Nooo<br /><br />I can’t wait to see you<br />Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes<br />That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes<br />And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time<br />Being mad about the same things<br />Over and over again<br />About the same things<br />Over and over again<br />Ohh<br />But I think she’s leaving<br />Ooh man she’s leaving<br />I don’t know what else to do<br />(I Can’t go on not loving you)<br /><br />Cause its all in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />And I can’t keep picturing you with him<br />And it hurts so bad, yeah<br />Cause its on in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />I replay it over and over again yeah<br />And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it<br />Nooo<br /><br />I remember the day you left<br />I remember the last breath you took right in front of me<br />When you said that u would leave<br />I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything<br />But I see clearly now <br />and this chose I made keep playing in my head<br />Over and over again<br />Playing my head<br />Over and over again<br />Ohh<br />I think she’s leaving<br />Ooh man she’s leaving<br />I don’t know what else to do<br />(I Can’t go on not loving you)<br /><br />Cause its all in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />And I can’t keep picturing you with him<br />And it hurts so bad, yeah<br />Cause its on in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />I replay it over and over again <br />And I can’t take it I can’t shake it<br />Nooo<br /><br />(Now that I’ve realized that I’m going down<br />From all this pain you’ve put me through<br />Every time I close my eyes I like it down<br />I can’t go on not loving you)<br /><br />Cause its all in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />And I can’t keep picturing you with him<br />And it hurts so bad, yeah<br />Cause its on in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />I replay it over and over again<br />And I can’t take it I can’t shake it<br />Nooo<br /><br />Cause its all in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />And I can’t keep picturing you with him<br />And it hurts so bad, yeah<br />Cause its on in my head<br />I think about it over and over again<br />I replay it over and over again<br />And I can’t take it I can’t shake it<br />Nooo<br /><br />Over and Over again<br />Over and Over again<br />Cause it’s all in my head urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:44776 2004-10-05T01:39:36Z 2004-10-05T01:39:36Z so.. i think i pulled or pinched something in my back.. i am home early fromwork, b/c i could hardly move.. damnit!!! grrrr... so i am going to jay's tonight to visit the hot tub (even though i almost died last time), in hopes to make it feel better.. and if not, i may not be able to get out.. haha... but i have been given the name of a good chiropractor, so i may have to go there tomorrow...grrrrr... i want a massage! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:bjcooch:44509 2004-10-03T21:49:42Z 2004-10-03T21:49:42Z hmmm.... my new tat that i plan on getting is going to say:<br /><br />no excuses<br />no apologies<br />no regrets<br /><br />and it will be on my spine, above my lower back... and it will be in black lettering.. and i have it the way i want it on my pc... i just don't do links all that well.. but when i get it, i plan to get pics of all my tats, so i can have them to show people.. when i get this one done, i am getting my other one touched up.. b/c it didn't heal properly, and hence, looks a bit shitty... oh well.. i get it touched up for free, b/c i am getting another one done... <br /><br />i am trying to find symbols that i like, so that i can start designing another one... i want the angel wings with the word "angel" written between them... but i am thinking that i want to check out the various symbols for angel,. so that i can keep my options open.. b/c i won't get another one for a bit.. well.. i always say that.. haha... but yeh... :) <br /><br />i think my soul is burning... something inside just hurts, and the more i try to think about what it is, the more it hurts.. it's something that i can't explain... but i just hope that it goes out eventually... maybe i am lost... in life.. i don't know where i will be next summer... my contract is up at the end of june... and after that, i just dont know.. i am looking into alot of things.. i want to stay in kingston, but i also want to be that adventurous person that i am, and go places... but i feel i can't. b/c i have to pay off some money.. damned money ruling the world! maybe in 5 years i will travel.. or i'll be married with kids, and i'll never go anywhere.. but i'd be happy and okay with that.. but maybe i'll regret not going when i had the chance.... ahhhhhhh well ....i have to go pick up karla...later...